A Resilient Mindset: How Shifting from Victim to Owner Changes Everything

In our last Certified Resilience Coach Program live session, one of our participants brought up an excellent question: How do we help our clients shift from victimhood to ownership?

This is a powerful and necessary conversation, especially in today’s world. Many people—perhaps more than ever—feel like victims of their circumstances. Whether it’s workplace burnout, family dynamics, or the political and global landscape, there’s a real sense of helplessness.

I get it. The world right now feels chaotic, unpredictable, and at times, deeply unfair. It’s easy to feel like things are happening to us, that we have no power, no control. And while it’s true we can’t personally change every political decision, every war, or every injustice, there is one thing we can change: our mindset and how we respond.

One of my favourite coaching teachers, Steve Chandler, speaks about this in his book Reinventing Yourself, where he lays out a simple but profound distinction:

There are two types of people in the world—Victims and Owners.

What’s the Difference Between Victim and Owner Thinking?

A victim sees life as something that happens to them. They feel stuck, powerless, and at the mercy of external events. You hear it in their language:

🔄 Why is this happening?
🔄 Why does nobody care about me?
🔄 What’s wrong with the world?
🔄 What’s wrong with me?

These questions reinforce helplessness and keep people locked in a cycle of frustration and inaction.

On the other hand, an Owner recognizes that while they may not control every situation, they control their response. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, they focus on what they can do. Their questions sound more like:

🧭 What do I want?
🧭 How can I make a difference, even in a small way?
🧭 What’s within my power to change?
🧭 What steps can I take toward my goal?

This shift—from Why is this happening to me? to What do I want?—is a game changer. It’s the difference between being stuck and moving forward.

Put a Pin in the Problem & Focus on the Desired Outcome

In our program, we encourage our coaches to put a pin in the problem and focus instead on desired outcomes. This is where the science of neuroplasticity comes into play. As Shauna Shapiro wisely says:
"What you practice grows stronger."

Neuroscience tells us that the more we focus on something—whether it’s stress, worry, or solutions—the stronger those neural pathways become. If we constantly focus on what’s wrong, on what we don’t want, we reinforce patterns of helplessness, frustration, and anxiety.

But if we shift our attention to possibilities, to the vision of what we want to create, we strengthen neural pathways of resilience, confidence, and action.

Think of it this way:
🌀 When we focus on the problem, we practice feeling stuck.
🌟 When we focus on solutions and outcomes, we practice resilience and empowerment.

As coaches, leaders, and professionals committed to growth and impact, our job is to help ourselves and others direct attention toward what lights us up—the possibilities, the solutions, the goals and visions that give us energy and purpose. This shift is at the heart of resilience, and it’s a core skill we cultivate in our Certified Resilience Coach Program.

How This Shift Works in Practice

Instead of asking:
🔄 Why do people in my workplace not respect me? ⏩ Ask What can I do to communicate my boundaries and values more clearly?

Instead of saying:
🔄 The political situation is making me anxious and hopeless. ⏩ Ask How can I take meaningful action or protect my peace in this moment?

Instead of thinking:
🔄 I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do. ⏩ Ask What’s one micro step I can take right now?

Focusing on the desired outcome doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It means not getting stuck in them. It’s about recognizing what’s possible instead of just what’s wrong.

The Owner Mindset is Essential for Resilience

Resilience isn’t just about bouncing back from challenges as you may already know; it’s about cultivating our shock absorbers, and charging our batteries. One way to do that is by owning our responses and choosing how we show up in the face of adversity.

As Steve Chandler says, "Owners create the life they want."

They don’t wait for things to change.

They don’t dwell on what they can’t control.

They take action—no matter how small—toward what they can influence.

What About You?

Where in your life are you approaching a situation as a victim? What would shift if you approached it as an owner instead?

Try this: The next time you feel stuck, put a pin in the problem and ask yourself, What’s the outcome I want? What’s one micro action I can take to move toward it?

This is the work we do in resilience coaching—not just for our clients, but for ourselves.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Have you noticed how language and mindset impact resilience? How do you help your clients shift from victim to owner?